Perfect To Me

7 Jul

During my 4th month of pregnancy, the uncertainty of what was going on with my ladybug was at its highest. I didn’t know if she would survive to term, and if she did – I didn’t know what, if anything would be wrong. The only thing we knew at this point for sure was that she was a girl, had a high Nuchal Translucency measurement, and short femurs. Everything aside from that was in the hands of the powers that be.

On one day in particular I remember returning to work from a weekly ultrasound appointment feeling a little down because the findings hadn’t improved. I was still at this point very quiet about what I shared with others, but felt compelled to let a co-worker know what was going on.

Every day I wake up and repeat the words that she told me. (One of my many mantras). “No matter what comes to be with this baby girl when she is born – she will always be perfect to you.”  Catherine, you couldn’t have been more right, I don’t see ladybug as being a 19 month old who looks like a 5 month old. I see her as my sweet little baby girl. Age is just a number and I know that she will reach the milestones she is meant to reach at her own pace. I don’t see ladybug as being developmentally or physically delayed – she is exactly where she should be.  I try not to stress about having to feed her through a tube in her tummy – maybe she will eat orally again maybe she wont. There is only one person who knows the answer and right now she is quite content with taking the odd ‘Mum Mum’ (rice rusks cookie) and otherwise being tube fed. To me my ladybug is perfect CDG and all. Albeit I may have the odd breakdown about her health issues now and then after all I am human but I wouldn’t want to change a single thing.  Sometimes you just need to a new perspective on things to remind you what is really important.

This poem was recently posted by a CDG family member and I don’t think I could sum up how I feel about having a daughter with special needs better.

My Perfect Child

As my children were born, I wanted them
to be perfect. When they were babies, I
wanted them to smile and be content
playing with their toys. I wanted them to
be happy and to laugh continually
in-stead of crying and being demanding. I
wanted them to see the beautiful side
of life.
As they grew older, I wanted them to
be giving instead of selfish. I wanted
them to skip the terrible twos. I wanted
them to stay innocent forever.
As they became teen-agers, I wanted
them to be obedient and not rebellious,
mannerly and not mouthy. I wanted them
to be full of love, gentle and
“Oh, God, give me a child like this” was
often my prayer. One day he did. Some
call him handicapped… I call him Perfect!!

Source/Author Unknown

8 Responses to “Perfect To Me”

  1. Ellen S. July 7, 2011 at 9:30 pm #

    This is just beautiful. And so is Ladybug.

    • Little Ladybug Hugs July 7, 2011 at 10:12 pm #

      Thank you Ellen. Every single time I read that poem I cry it couldn’t be more true.

  2. Kim July 7, 2011 at 9:44 pm #

    Oh Melissa…that poem is SO (excuse the pun) perfect. No matter how our children are born, with what delays or handicaps, perfect to others or not…they are ALWAYS perfect to us mommy’s.

    Although not at all on the same level, I do get what you are saying. My son Justin is going into high school this year. This ‘should’ be a very different experience for us but that is not the journey we are on. SO his experience in high school will be perfect for him…just as your little lady bugs experiences through her life will be perfect for the both of you.

    One of my favourite poems I read when Justin was in surgery when he was an infant. To this day, I carry it with me.

    Heaven’s very special child

    A meeting was held, quite far from earth
    “It’s time again for another birth”
    Said the Angels to the Lord above,
    “This special child will need much love”

    Her progress may seem very slow,
    Accomplishments she may not show
    And she’ll require extra care
    From all the folks she meets down there.

    She may not run or laugh or play
    Her thoughts may seem quite far away
    In many ways she won’t adapt,
    And she’ll be known as handicapped.

    So let’s be careful where she’s sent
    We want her life to be content
    Please, Lord, find the right parents who
    Will do this special job for You.

    They will not realize right away
    The leading role they’re asked to play
    But with this child sent from above
    Comes stronger faith and richer love.

    And soon they’ll know the privilege given
    In caring for this gift from Heaven.
    Their precious charge, so meek and mild
    Is heaven’s very special child.

    • Little Ladybug Hugs July 7, 2011 at 10:18 pm #

      Kim that poem was amazing. I will have to print it out as well. Thank you very much for sharing it with me.

  3. Marcella July 8, 2011 at 8:43 am #

    I’m left speachless and in tears after reading both your post and poem by that wonderful family but also your friends post. Please never forget how special you and Edward are too. Ladybug has the best parents and you are so important in giving and making her life so special and perfect too. Your daughter will always be perfect. She will always be your baby even when she reaches 20. That bond will never be broken or taken away.
    I wish I did not live so many miles away.. Miss you all xxxxxx

    • Little Ladybug Hugs July 9, 2011 at 9:02 am #

      Thank you so much Marcella. As soon as ladybug gets a wee bit bigger and stronger we will make the trek to Ireland to see everyone. xoxo

  4. Julie July 18, 2011 at 8:41 am #

    Awesome post, Melissa. Ladybug looks pretty darn perfect from where I’m standing. And so does her mama.

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